shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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