Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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