Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
