You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
