this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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