how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
