he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Randomize
