Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Randomize
