we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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