Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
