actually, I'm a sock model
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
