i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
