Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
