she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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