Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
two words...techno handjob
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
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