we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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