There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
