He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
