Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
