Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Randomize
