the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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