so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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