her vagine was all disorganized.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
