How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
