I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
