it hurts more in the daytime
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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