I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
