i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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