Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
