i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
