dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
