Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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