He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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