Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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