What did we do last night that was yellow?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
