I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
