I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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