I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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