He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
