I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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