I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
