But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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