I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
