I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
