sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
