Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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