I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
