The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
another moral hangover. fuck.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
