Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
