I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
