Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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