Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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