That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Pants are for mortals
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
