i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
