I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
