Duck Duck Cougar?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Randomize
