Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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