i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
