His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
