Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
