that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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