So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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