Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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