everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
