I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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