dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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