so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
