No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
