I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
