today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
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